


Taken And Lost

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sexual References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 14:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even as they both fell asleep, still aching with want and love and a fading flicker of hope, the chance had been taken – and lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taken And Lost

It was one night. Just one misunderstanding, and yet Ray couldn’t let it go. Because it wasn’t a mistake, not to _him_ at least. But it was to Gavin, and Ray couldn’t change that no matter how long he thought about it. Even if his conclusion was warped from him leaving.

He hoped that maybe when Gavin started to pay too much attention to him that night, that he’d just noticed him for once. And for a while, Ray was able to convince himself that was the reason. So when Gavin couldn’t keep his eyes off him in the bar, he simply enjoyed the affection and let himself build up hope. Hope that ended up shattered and broken. That optimism that he usually avoided, because things like this had happened to him so many times before.

And when Gavin left Michael and Geoff and everyone he’d been around that night _just_ to sit with Ray, he’d honestly believed that maybe that was when his feelings would no longer be one-sided. The look in Gavin’s eyes never convinced him otherwise, and the smiles and the laughter built him up in strong waves to the point where he couldn’t stop smiling right back, regardless of those worried still in the back of his head.

Everything was a blur from then until one point. Faces merging into unimportant colours and shapes, voices meaning nothing and time seemingly unimportant – right up until Gavin kissed him.

Then everything was so clear for a second, and Ray’s heart started to beat too fast again as he remembered. The panic settled in, because he knew what followed.

He’d ignored Michael’s shocked look as he was dragged out of the bar by Gavin, hand in hand. He never even registered the calls from everyone who’d accompanied them, asking where they were going or why they were leaving.

Because in that moment, all he could feel was that burning love and affection that Gavin hadn’t directed at him before. Feeling nothing but the tingling of his lips where the Brit had pressed his own against them, slow but persistent. And so he’d let himself be pulled into a taxi, not even realising where they were going, because Gavin’s hands had been clutched to his shirt and those lips were back on his again. Non-verbal promises between those touches and nothing but tenderness and excitement flickering across his eyes. Looks and touches that Ray had dreamt about for months, and he let himself be carried away. Just for that one night.

Ray stopped his mind from running away again with a heavy sigh.

Turning to his side, he tried to curl up and forget everything, not letting the pain running down his back and the memories lull him back into his head again. But every time he shifted, the sheets smelled of him. And every time his muscles flexed, that all too familiar ache that Gavin had caused intensified and Ray couldn’t help but remember. That was all he had by then. A single, bittersweet memory that would change and differ as he aged and do nothing to settle his burning chest either way. Memories that would always remind him just how meaningless he'd ended up becoming to Gavin, in the space of one, crucial night. 

Ray turned onto his back, letting his eyes slip open and adjust to the darkness of his room. The silence was torture. He’d do anything to hear the heavy breathing of Gavin sleeping next to him again, but he’d left hours ago. Once he was half-sober and awake, that was it - he’d left. And Ray didn’t have the confidence or the energy to tell him to stay, as much as his head and heart wanted to beg and plead – he just couldn’t do it.

He wondered, not for the first time, what was wrong with him. What made him so horrible that he was only given one glimpse of what he wanted, to have it snatched away from him in less than half a day.

Ray’s body felt like a lead weight the more his mind spun in circles. He could feel the angry sobs making their way to his throat, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let himself feel any more pathetic. Because his head was still running back towards Gavin. Over and over again.

Flashing images and blurred pictures of those green eyes and lithe fingers plagued him into the night. Filled with kisses running up his neck, accompanied by bite marks that he could _still_ feel under his fingers when he ran them just under his ear. Visions of Gavin’s hands clutching his wrists and pushing them into the Brit’s own soft hair as his kisses trailed down. The warmth of Gavin’s body as he leaned over, kissing the corner of his watering eyes as he pressed forward. He even remembered exactly how Gavin’s eyes had darkened, a shuddering breath mixing with his own half-pained moans. Those aches that had been left across his body by Gavin's own touch. Aches that he could still feel even after he'd had left.

The grief settled in again. Because his final thought was a painful truth he didn’t want to face.

Covering his face with his hands, Ray let himself unwind, hurt escaping in raw sobs. Tears burning tracks down his cheeks, he shifted onto his side, curling in on himself as a last attempt of comfort. His own breaking whispers seemed to cut the air around him. Everything seemed to intensify the overwhelming throb in his chest and knot in his throat. The repeated, barely-there curses filled the air until Ray hardly recognized his own voice. It did nothing to ease it all. He fell asleep with bloodshot eyes and restless thoughts, never even realising that he wasn’t feeling this hurt alone.

Gavin curled into his own bed, his head aching and eyes heavy as he clutched onto his bed sheets as his only solace. But he couldn’t sleep. Because he knew he’d made a mistake that couldn’t be rectified. He looked at his phone, flicking through drafts upon drafts of apologies and declarations. All of them addressed to Ray, and all of them unsent. It was useless, he knew. He shouldn’t have upped and left from fear that this was a one time arrangement. That this was all Ray had wanted. Because he’d sent exactly the same message back. His head filled with those dazed and blurred memories of just hours before, and a half-hearted smile flickered onto his face, tarnished by loss.

He remembered Ray’s arms wrapped around the back of his shoulders, forehead pressed against his as he shuddered with bliss and beamed with nothing short of affection. Gavin remembered pressing a barely-there kiss against Ray’s lips, those three words almost falling from his mouth until Ray’s arms retracted, and his stomach wrenched with dread as the other’s expression changed from tenderness to insecurity in seconds. He could almost feel the worries radiating from the other, even his own plain to see, but he was too scared to address them.

Gavin remembered the memory and tried to fill it with happiness, but the fact was, there would never be another time like that. Things had become misunderstood and broken with just one vital move. He'd rushed into everything so quickly and ruined it with one blow. Ray was too insecure and Gavin was too frightened to face the reality that might have been, but just wasn't.

Even as they both fell asleep, still aching with want and love and a fading flicker of hope, the chance had been taken – and lost.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to reblog or like on tumblr:
> 
> http://teaandotherstuff.tumblr.com/post/45446314481/taken-and-lost


End file.
